Faith in Lunacy

This explains it

2008-02-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

The clearest presentation of why the US is in a WTF recession for the next 5+ years:
http://docs.google.com/TeamPresent?docid=ddp4zq7n_0cdjsr4fn&skipauth=true

Housing prayers needed

2008-02-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

Due to our impending baby of doom, we are seeking new and exciting alternative living situations. Some interesting opportunities have come by and we really need prayer that God will work strongly in getting our housing straightened out.
Hopefully God has the best planned for our next move but we are willing to accept whatever fate he has decided for us.

Time for change

2008-01-24T20:08:00.000-08:00

A bebe, a new living space, a new job and a new church. Many changes are here and are coming. The biggest one is where I tithe. No longer will 10-20% of my tithe go towards growing the body of Christ, now 80+% will be used for the betterment of mankind.
Amy and I are choosing to support (starting in February) Lifewater International.
For less than $400 an entire village can have access to clean water and sanitation.
I really like what they do and they are based in Morro Bay, CA which is awesome.
They train people to go and train people allowing for exponential growth and efficiency of resources.
Check it out!

Destroy the economy

2008-01-24T20:02:00.000-08:00

My current mission is to do my part to destroy the economy. I refuse to participate in consumerism (except videogames!). I plan on saving any stimulus package the government sends out. I save whatever possible. This year I will be super-itemizing for my 2008 taxes (since we are having a bebe) including all Goodwill donations. And my latest way to actively destroy it all:
Every time I receive one of those credit card offers in the mail that happens to include an envelope. I am now mailing them in filled with junk. Yes, junk. Besides the postage is free. I will nickel and dime the credit card companies until they stop sending me unsolicited junk. I am wasting their time and it feels good.

The reason I've been missing

2008-01-24T20:01:00.000-08:00

This totally explains where I have been for the last year:

Viva Voce is coming

2007-02-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

Viva Voce is coming to The Attic in Santa Cruz on March 10th. They are awesome, let me know if you want to come along with me.

I learned about this from iConcertCal!

Wii!!!!

2006-11-22T13:11:00.000-08:00

Wow!
We were going to get a Wii when it came out.
Saturday, Thomas came over and hung out and we all went out to dinner. Seeing how long the line was at Target for the Nintendo Wii we decided to hurry back to our place and camp out for the evening. Oh, lack of sleep. It was fun chatting with line people and lacking sleep and being uncomfortable. At 6:30 my uncle Mike showed up and we injected him into the line with us ahead of the other people. By 7:45 when they handed out tickets the 4 of us secured 4 Wii tix. Thomas didn't actually want one so he said "the last shall be first" and gave his to the last person in line. Amy said "must find the kids who are actually sad because the line is so long that they won't get one" and she gave hers to two kids who have been saving up their allowance for months.

Doors opened and excitement built. I schemed and saved us the most money with discounts and offers and saved $100 off my ~$800 bill for 2 Wii's, 2 Legend of Zelda game, 1 Rampage game and two extra wii-motes.

We were so tired we didn't even play till that night. And man it is fun. All we have played so far is Wii Sports, we haven't even opened anything else up yet it is so fun. Both Amy and I are into it and the best game is bowling. I swear all of the games are the most realistic created so far but bowling takes the cake. It emulates real-life bowling so well that I kept ending up with the same score I get in real-life bowling ~150.

In addition Amy decided to make Mii's (little customized avatars) of every member of my family that will (or might) be there at Thanksgiving. Then she made Mii's of every person who might ever show up at our place including our entire homegroup and Jon and Kay's family.

So if anyone wants to come over and play you are welcome to, we've already got a Mii for you and you are ready to rock.

1 year Anniversary. T minus 5 days

2006-10-30T18:27:00.000-08:00

My anniversary is coming up. (see my pretty kitty below a few posts down).
It is a joyous time. I've made it a year.
There is close to a 50% divorce rate here in the US. I'm not likely as a statistic, to ever get divorced, here is why:

Factors

Percent Decrease

in Risk of Divorce
Annual income over $50,000 (vs. under $25,000) -30
Having a baby seven months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage) -24
Marrying over 25 years of age (vs. under 18) -24
Own family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents) -14
Religious affiliation (vs. none) -14
Some college (vs. high-school dropout) -13

So doing the math (given I meet all of those), assuming there is a 100% chance of divorce for the average individual it comes out to 100% * .70 * .76 * .76 * .86 * .86 * .87 = 26.02%. If there starting number is less than 100% I'm even better off.

Not that I'd even ever consider it.
My wife is awesome. She's recently become even awesomer and as our second year together is beginning I am expectant of a very promising future.

We are working toward better communication (just finished a class) and making one another feel loved (we are both reading the five love languages)

I estimate that within five years we will become the zenith of married couples. We will eventually have our 2.5 children and we will love them.

Heres looking towards the future.

2006-10-30T18:25:00.001-08:00

Bats! And ME! I would have painted my nails if I didn't have to work.

2006-10-30T18:25:00.000-08:00

My a very own a the cheat. He was on the other side of my trogdor pumpkin. Sadly he got a the mold and collapsed.

2006-10-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

My trogdor pumpkin! He burninated the pumpkin so its already in the trash.

2006-10-30T18:22:00.000-08:00

Halloween festivities have arrived. The makeup makes me break out. My wife is a pretty kitty.

Best way to understnad middle east conflicts

2006-07-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

This Slate article does the best I've seen at explaining the love/hate relationships the Middle East constituents share. Pretty much everyone hates Israel but there are some surprising conflicts in there I didn't know about.

Oooh and I also found this graphic!

A really modest proposal

2006-07-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

Completely unrelated to my last post but completely on the topic of making things better:
How to improve society

My basis is this:
First, bad parents exist. Abusive ones, mean nasty ones. Its a fact.
Second, good parents exist. Nice ones, loving ones who raise up good children. Its a fact.
Third, there exists some difference in quality between good and bad parents.
Fourth, reducing the number of bad parents would increase the proportion of good children.
Fifth, good children have a higher tendency to become good parents.

My proposal is this (given a world where I have control and could propose such a solution):
First, create a completely reversible cheaply-done reliable sterilization procedure.
Second, offer (as a government) a reward to individuals seeking to become sterilized. Lets say $500.
Third, offer the procedure reversing the sterilization at a significantly higher fee. Lets say $2000.
Thats it. Its the solution to many of the worlds problems.

People who just want to get it on and not have kids get a little free money and security.
People who later decide they are ready for the committment to have kids and are able to support them would be able to have the procedure reversed.
People who make rash decisions and want easy money or those unable to save up enough money to have the procedure reversed would not become parents. My assumption (and it is a bold one) is that though some good parents may be lost to sterilization, mostly people who would become bad parents are prevented from conceiving. These people would likely be drug addicts, debt-a-holics and the selfish.

Sound good? Vote for me in the next election for Supreme Dictator.

A modest proposal

2006-07-07T23:30:00.000-07:00

Our church is dissolving and it has brought up a lot of thoughts.
Today I pondered teaching and how it is done in church (meaning the Sunday event, rather than the church as a people). Since when has church been a boring place? Why do people show up? Why do pastors encourage us to bring other people? Why does church teaching look so drastically different from other teaching.
I have a few ideas. Pastors try to attract other people by preaching on things that make people feel good, or cater to their societal needs with schmoozing and all the other ends pastors (and church members) perform to reach out to outsiders. Sermons tend to be focused on "you" or people and how to better oneself or society.
First, church is not particularly suited for people who don't like to learn. What if the teaching at church were to be taught like a college course. People interested in the topics would sign up of their own initiative and attend as they pleased for the furthering of their education. People in college choose courses to take and to learn because they enjoy learning, they want to get something out of it. If they show up to courses they aren't suited for they'll get lost, if they don't show up they'll do poorly and if they don't take it seriously they tend to drop out. If in church the intent of the sermon were to attract people who wanted to learn about the topic being taught we would be reaching the people who are really Christians. Those who aren't serious about learning would drop out. But why would anyone show up? Why does anyone show up?
Second, often the focus of the teaching, the path of learning in church is human focused. People shouldn't be in church on Sunday just because it is Sunday and that is just what they do on Sunday. People should be in church because they want to learn. What do they want to learn about? Presumably, since they are Christians, their drive in learning should be about how to love God. Thats it. End of story. Once people show up to church because they know that they want to love God and that is the sole reason they should be there, church will be a useful place of learning. Of course, the responsibility lies on the pastors and leaders to provide teaching along those lines. Most of the time they aren't far off in their obligations excepting that they don't remind the attendees of why they show up. That and the teaching style is all wrong.
Third, often teaching in churches is lowest common denominator teaching. Students in school with disabilities have trouble learning and fall behind, what happens when the slow kids are mixed with the faster crowd? Lowest common denominator teaching. Teach so even the simplest could learn. I argue for middle-advanced teaching. Students can't always be fed milk just so the babies can have their fill. Milk teaching (aka the basics) should be relagated to one-on-one teaching, individual study and focused beginners groups. There is no shame in being a beginner. Sunday should be reserved for the meat. Will some leave hungry? Yes, they may not be able to process the meat (do you follow me?) but if the church is in their right mind they will have a meat eater willing to feed them the milk they are needing. Its called discipleship and its sorely lacking in todays church. Not by age but by spiritual maturity. When a pastor teaches the first thing they should ask should be, "How can I use this textbook (Bible) to help my students love God and know that is the reason they are here?" It really shouldn't be, "How can I improve my flock and spur them to action?" or, "How can I make them not fall asleep?". Sure those are good questions but the first question needs to be answered first followed by the rest.

Does any of this make sense?

2006-07-06T22:40:00.000-07:00

All dressed up in Portland.

Can you hear me now?

2006-06-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

Teenagers are using high pitched ringtones to communicate and their elderly teachers (10+ years older) supposedly can't hear them. Here is what you can do to get back at teenagers:
Frequency test your ears and find the highest pitch you can hear. Now kick it up a notch (so you can't hear it), record it on loop and play it back continuously. You won't hear a thing but your teenager will likely go crazy because of the noises in their head.

Woot!

Mountain View is toxic

2006-06-02T17:46:00.000-07:00

I knew there was a reason I moved to Sunnyvale and not Mountain View

Next awesome trip: Argentina

2006-06-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

Argentina is where I want to go next. I've been inspired. Steak, steak, steak.
For this blog, this man should be the Argentina's spokesperson.

I am alive

2006-04-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'm not dead though I might as well be. We just returned from a hike up at the Fremont Older Open Space preserve and I am one trail closer to completing my dominance of the preserve. I'm attempting to get complete coverage at Stevens Creek Reservoir also, I'm just missing the southernmost trails. Basically I obsessively hike every single trail in a park to ensure that I'm not missing anything. With the overabundance of parks in the area, once I finish a park completely I can move onto the next one. With the days getting longer and the rain stopping hiking season is open again! This weekend we will hit up the beautiful peak at Garrapata State Park.

Idiot!

2006-02-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

I don't know why it took me so long to believe Napoleon when he told me that Ligers are better than Tigons. I mean we breed Ligers for their skills in magic. What do we breed Tigons for?

Well, now I know. Size matters.

Brothers Grimm Costume Ball

2006-02-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

We're so hot and squishy

2006-02-20T12:23:00.000-08:00

This is my wife Aimee she also went to the Brothers Grimm Costume Ball but she is a black princess from The Three Black Princesses.

2006-02-20T12:20:00.000-08:00

Last night was the Brothers Grimm Costume Ball, so I dressed up like the kitty princess from The Poor Miller's Boy and the Cat. Fun dressing up but the ball was lame because of really lame music.

Sparking grapes and other microwave hacks

2006-02-17T23:06:00.000-08:00

Because Rob and I tried and we couldn't succeed I looked it up:
Sparking Grapes

And some other cool microwave hacks and cool weaponry

The best jokes are real life

2006-02-02T18:36:00.000-08:00

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=67019

Time flies

2006-01-03T12:54:00.000-08:00

I'm married to Amy. She is awesome. Marriage is bliss.
Thanksgiving and Christmas were fun.
I was a groomsman in my best friend Sean's wedding last week.
We just got Netflix. I like rating things. If you have Netflix you should be my Netflix friend. So email me.

Stress

2005-11-01T18:20:00.000-08:00

Stress, I've got it. All kinds of it. Too many obligations eating away at me. I need to reach Shalom.

God floored me.

2005-10-31T17:34:00.000-08:00

In our body of believers we have been talking about service and reaching out to help the lost. I really want to help the lost, I really want to serve people, God just really hasn't put it on my heart as a passion. I kept wondering why, what spiritual thing God would will me into and why the His spirit wasn't pulling me stronger toward this. He's been preparing me for other things.
I came home from work today just a few minutes ago and opened my Bible to the book of Ephesians and God floored me. I burst out with hot sweaty tears and pouted for joy as God finally opened my eyes as to what He would have me do.

Can you say Gattaca?

2005-10-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

Scary!
Since it seems like a lot of parents would prefer raising boys to girls (especially in countries like China) we may finally see a population shift and there may be for once more boys (~48%) than girls (~52%).
Or we might get one of those crazy scenenarios like in the movies where woman dominate society and only keep enough of men around to fertilize the women. At least until we get the artificial womb! We must not let one gender be obsoleted!!!1!!! It would be teh sux.

Precious...

2005-10-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

Precious and fragile things need special handling. My God what have we done to you.

I've got 4 tix to see Depeche Mode Nov. 18th in San Jose. I'm quite excited. This will probably be the only time I'll be able to see them, they're so old they have got to be giving it up soon. I've danced to so many of their songs, been moved by so many of their lyrics and simply adore them. I've seen most of the other big 80's hits I've needed to see: Kraftwerk, New Order, The Cure (2X!) , Bauhaus, Gang Of Four, Pixies, Tears For Fears, Flaming Lips and now Depeche Mode.

Still left to see: Morrissey/Smiths, David Bowie, Cranes, Devo, Anything Box, Bronski Beat, Erasure, Duran Duran, Echo and the Bunnymen, OMD, Pet Shop Boys, R.E.M.

Switcheroo 2: Electric Boogaloo

2005-10-24T20:48:00.000-07:00

So I went to Goodwill again and bought another movie.
This time the fantastic Akira!
The movie is great but with a soundtrack but with really bad musical timing (dun... dun... DUN... ... .... ... ... dun) that can be downright unintentionally hilarious.
Anyways I got it home and was ready to watch it. Popped it in and what do I get: Bubblegum Crisis. At least I got another anime flick this time instead of the wildly off Truth about Cats and Dogs. BitTorrent here I come.

Transform your life

2005-10-13T23:04:00.000-07:00

Transform your face
its fun....

Switcheroo!

2005-10-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

I went to Goodwill tonight and bought Interview with the Vampire on VHS for $2.
I brought it home and was looking forward to watching it. I put it in and tried to fastforward it through the previews. I kept going and going and after 30 minutes of "previews" I stopped and thought... hmm the same preview shouldn't be on for more than 10 minutes.
I rewound the tape to the beginning and discovered that my movie had been taped over with The Truth about Cats and Dogs!
I'm so pissed, bittorrent here I come, I'm getting the movie I paid for!

Peacemakers

2005-10-06T00:48:00.000-07:00

We shouldn't be at war with this world. We shouldn't go to war. We shouldn't resist the evil person. We need to be peacemakers. Jesus didn't preach civil disobedience, he preached civil obedience + grace.
A good interpretation of Matthew 5:38-42

Challenge your faith

2005-10-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while, sometimes when there is too much to write and too little time I just freeze up and get nothing out.

Here: http://www.earlychristianwritings.com/
Have your faith challenged and biblical inerrancy and authorship questioned in a scholarly setting. Learn about other deutrocanonical early-Christian and Gnostic writings and some scholarly debate about them. Oh, and if you make it past the actual canon, check out Marcion. Out of struggle with the Judaisers, he created the first canon, tried to sever Christianity from Jewish influence and set up a church rivaling the Catholic one.

On the other hand don't read if you want to keep your view of the Bible completely in a modern context or don't want to be challenged.

And if you aren't challenged enough after mucking around there, read this:
http://edge.org/3rd_culture/gilbert05/gilbert05_index.html

And then if you can still stand come up with a proof for God's existence better than one of these 300, (courtesy of Atheists of Silicon Valley):
http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm

That should keep anyone busy for a few days. At least it did for me.
Antithesis:
I the Lord your God am a jealous God (Exodus 20:5)....for the Lord, Whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14).
vs.
Love knows no jealousy... 1 Corinthians 13:4

Soliton part 5: Pictures

2005-09-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

Rob and Liz took some awesome pictures of the event:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/robspain/sets/951040
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lizapalooza/sets/941987

I feel like Chariots of Fire or something...

2005-09-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

I got off work today and since I sat for 8 hours I decided to go on a job. I went down the street from my place and found the Bay Trail (map) and started hiking. If you look at the map you can see that it is predominantly over water, water that used to be part of the bay but is now part of the Sunnyvale wastewater treatment facility. Surprisingly it didn't smell bad but they were weird oozes and chunks floating in the water. The thing is nobody really goes out there because its sorta a hidden area to anyone but the locals.
Well I started walking out onto one of the dikes and noticed one thing: birds. Thousands of birds of several species were clustered on the dike ahead of me. Well I couldn't pass it up so I started running towards them and clapping my hands. A steady flow of birds took to the air as I got near, I felt some giant bubble around me that was pushing them away. It continued for about 200 ft and when I looked back over 500 birds were in the air due to me running through. It was really awesome to be there and I wish I only had a camera of some sort or even a witness to see the sheer excitement of it.
The one downside: walking through tons of bird crap.

Soliton part 4: Return to my roots?

2005-09-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

The Soliton experience was largely a dialogue on the Emergent Church living in a supposedly Post-modernist world. There was a heavy influence on characteristics of post-modernism like globalization and consumerism along with a heavy influence on social justice and activism. While I do value there various new expressions of worship like Body Prayer and Celtic Christian influences the other factors I just mentioned just don't jive with my outlook on life. I was first a Christian in a Baptist evangelical context and the only reason I left that was because I desired a heightened sense of spirituality that the contemporary church I was attending did not provide. I was reminded at Soliton of my friend FWWTRN's similar journey from evangelical to emergent and his subsequent jump after a deep time of spiritual study to a form of Calvinism (was it Neo-Calvinism?). I was also reminded of my recent visit to the stone sanctuaries of the U.K., now tourist sites, but once homes of deep faith (C.S. Lewis was a CofE member), and of the strong Biblical teaching my first church once had before it was modernized. I felt a yearning for simplicity in the complication of this event, a return to stone sanctuaries and simple faith, a draw to strong Biblical rather than experiencial teaching. Where will this lead me?

Changes in life, or, growth through girlfriends

2005-09-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

On a more positive note than my previous post, I have a wonderful new girlfriend named Someone (real names are no fun and thats what she calls me on her blog). This is of course coming at a time of rising faith.
This is a look back at some of my more serious relationships (2+ months) and see how they affected (afflicted?) my faith.
1: When I first became a Christian immediately God provided me with a girlfriend. As far asthis was my first serious relationship it really wasn't all too serious. She taught me how to respect a girl, how to kiss and actually taught me to be a more accepting open Christian. She didn't really derail my faith too much as she was destined just for friendship and we were silly highschoolers that never really got too serious. She was, however, a key to my first step to self-expressionism.
2: This relationship really never should have happened. Despite everyone thinking I was extremely mature for my age I realize everyone had no idea what maturity is and I definitely wasn't mature enough. Though I was still a relatively new believer and she was too I quickly fell to the seduction of someone who wasn't clinically sane. Depending on the season, the medication and how frequently she actually took it I was led on a long journey of sin while still maintaining a life as a badly justified believer. I got engaged but was away at college. Being the nympho she was, while I was gone she cheated on me. The engagement and my heart was broken. Through the months of recovery I experienced little growth and was always asking God "Why?!?". I had given my heart and it wasn't enough to fix her, why God let this happen made no sense to me (at the time). This relationship is regretful, but it did make me grow.
3: After my faith had increased along with my knowledge of scripture and dedication to Christ I was leading a Bible study and was working hard to get my radio ministry off the ground. I met a cat girl that I so admired I knew I had to date. She is the only one I am still a friend with and the only one I still look up to in some ways because of her amazing faith and boldness. Unfortunately though she had a strong faith (and I did end up saving her life) she had so much baggage from a previous relationship and consumed me so much that I didn't have the time to continue my Bible study and my one-on-one relationships that I was developing also suffered. I had tried to maintain a look of normalcy so that I could try to relate to others but once I met her I just had to be myself. I do thank her for freeing me up from a lot of the baggage I had felt about who I am (see previous post) and helping me reach the next level of self-expressionism. However, the relationship ended in farce as neither of us really thought we were meant for each other, just neither of us wanted to be alone. She left me after being near suicidal and needing to recover, I became ugly with desire for her and pathetic, I didn't want to be alone. Though she did derail some of my previous ministry she had changed me enough to leave the evangelical Baptist movement and join up with the Vineyard revolution.
4: Dating a best friend is usually a bad idea. Dating someone who was raised a Christian but had no spiritual life was also a bad idea. This was at a low point in my faith when I was alone in SoCal. I couldn't find a church family I was welcome in and I was spiritually weak. I never, through our hours of talks, ever changed her life to a Christian one. Luckily for me, I found out she had a real fear of men and anything more than hugging and I never really did any worse than ruining our friendship.
5: I had just moved to San Jose I was actually spiritually hyped up from moving and my new church. Not all spirituality was created equal. I warned this girl that we should not date because if we got together it would likely end painfully. I really didn't want the relationship but my lonliness got the better of me. A Wiccan is not a good person for a Christian to date, but I did. The relationship greatly stopped all of the great plans God had for me at that time. I made good on my promise of pain as she loved me greatly, but I just couldn't love her. I learned that "good" people exist outside of Christianity and that no desire of my own to make a person a Christian will ever cause it to happen.
Finally, present time. I have learned so much from these people, from self-imposed isolation, from prayer and from my growth together with God. I have finally begun to see my spiritual life ramp back up. I worry for the future that I will lose the momentum I have now that I have so frequently lost before. But I have hope and confidence that God will make it all work out in his way, this time I'm stronger.

Soliton part 3: The bitterness inside me

2005-09-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

This post is the hardest to write. It is as honest as I know I am. A few years ago I broke down and couldn't comprehend why I was so different from everyone else. I've always tried to wear it, to look as different as I feel. This week brought the worst of me to the surface. Although I'm not really sure it is bad because it is who I am and internally I have no reason for disliking myself.
You need to know who I am. Some of my best friends don't even know. I am sick, or at least I feel that way. Society has told me that I am wrong.
First, I am truly anti-social and have anxiety issues when I am around too many people in a social situation. The longer I am around groups of people and I can't get away (like this week) the more bitter I get.
Second, I am an introvert even when people think they are getting to know me I only reveal a little bit. I am an intensely private person and don't like many people to know my goings-on.
Third, I have no desire to fulfill a traditional male role in society. I don't really like sports (I like golf and hockey a little), I'm not into working out, I usually don't really enjoy hanging out with guys that much, I'm not a brute, I prefer female friends to male ones, and I have no problem being effeminate and wearing makeup (though no more than ye olde powdered wig guy). I'm still just a guy but I have trouble relating to most other men.
Fourth, since I am an intensely private person I only really empathize with my family and my close friends. I have a hard time feeling love for others in my heart though I do my best to still demonstrate the love I think I should have for those I don't know. I can't really empathize with the suffering of people I haven't met and it takes a real good personal story to get me to feel for a stranger. I have no empathy for those who suffer or die as I am relitively unacquainted with suffering.
Fifth, worst of all I have a black heart better suited for an antichrist. I relish in the night with black desires. When I hear about potential for calamity in my heart I wish for the worst to happen. I am a sucker for tales of destruction. Regretably, I actually desired that the recent natural disasters would have caused more death and destruction. In my heart I actually feel no pity for anyone in New Orleans. This part of me disgusts me. Luckily, I usually share these thoughts with no one, I am able to overcome my heart and at least force myself to neutrality. This is the way God wired me. Still the internal conflict bothers me, and I wear black on the outside, because black is how I feel on the inside. I pray that as I continue to become a stronger Christian that this desire of the flesh will become less and less.

Soliton part 2: Practicioners

2005-09-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

From Soliton, the most valuable place I've grown is with the people from my church with whom I went down with. I met a lot of nice people there but since they don't live here, I'll probably never talk to them again, which is ok.
Liz: This is the person whom I've had the most radical perception change with. I didn't really know what to make of her before since I didn't really know her. I assumed she was one of the preppy clichy girls that I wouldn't have been able to connect with. Rather, I've discovered her sincerity and motivation. She is shy yet so sociable that she is always everyones friend. She is a master facilitator and I've enjoyed her vision. Liz: check out http://www.lobotgallery.com/
Mike: I've gotten closer to Mike and his kind heart. Despite his random chirps in the car and interesting conversation topics. Mike: check out http://www.aradhnamusic.com/
Jon: I am ever amazed by everyones insistence that Jon is an introvert. Who else would be jumping around with excitement before lunch? This calm collected man of his family. Jon: check out the band Elliott.
Rob and Ang: Although I've known these two the longest I only finally realize their bitterness for the physical church and their desire for change. I don't know if you have time for it but maybe you (and others too) might enjoy the freshness of Relevant.

Soliton part 1

2005-09-10T23:33:00.000-07:00

I have returned from Soliton in Ventura, CA. It was a brain processing event that I will write a few times about as persistence allows. First a poem from our God-experiencing walk through town:

Come to the city where the gods look down and approve,
In their shade: trips, falls and down right dirtiness messies the streets.
So despairing, their very homes are laid open, but the gods wouldn't spare.
Below, all they want is someone to listen, to bear even a second of the burden of life,
the desperate feed where they are able, the scraps will do,
they've been taught want, even when there is no need.
The very plants, primitive conifers and spiky palms, pierce right through the modern desires they reach for. The flowers though, they bring hope, their eye-truth is beauty.
The people lie helpless as the heart-coating they need lies bound,
the eyes of the workers not yet opened realizing that a little paint will go a long way.
Even though Christ gave us salvation, why do we try to buy it?
Can we ascend to God with these poor spirits, will we look upon them?
Only one life 'twill soon be past, only whats done for Christ will last.

Love, what is it? A solid or a liquid?

2005-09-03T03:03:00.000-07:00

I wrote this back in early 2000, I'll let you guess what was on my mind then. Actually I'm not even sure what this says since I just copied and pasted this from what I wrote back then but I'm sure it all makes sense. Oh yeah, also check out the song Love's Not by Mars Ill.

Love -what I now know
I've learned a lot about love, especially in the last few months because of various relational issues, most of what I thought before was wrong! But now I know the truth.
Love is not really a feeling. Love is always the same, person to person, always.
What is "love"? Well first I will tell you what love isn't.
Love is not affection nor attraction. Affection is a special feeling between two people, nobody has real affection for everybody and nobody wants to. Love isn't affection, people should love everybody else. It probably wouldn't be a good idea if you had affection for everyone. Too much immorality and debauchery would occur. So love obviously isn't affection.
Love is also not lust!!! Lust is completely different. Lust is desire, a desire that shouldn't be there. Nobody should desire for what they don't have but rather cherish what they do. There is no desire in true love but for more love! Lust is immoral and wrong, and calling lust love is one of the most common on purpose mistakes people have. I know, I've lusted before and called it love. Don't mistake lust for love!!!
Love is nothing like anyone portrays on TV or any other popular media. Love is only one thing, just one thing. And no, I'm not the one who thought of this myself, but love is this: Valueing someone as God values them. How does this work? Well, how does God value you? God values you as an important and vital part of His creation. He did not create you as something worthless, but rather as valueable as anything the world could offer and then some. A life is more valueable than anything and when you realize this, you must realize how God wants you to treat each and every person. Now you can love, but how do you maintain it?
Love is patient and not easily angered. No matter how much someone annoys you or how much you want them to change, patience is key. Impatience is a bad trait, the patient are fruitful and at peace because they do not worry themselves with hurrying. By having patience, your love will abound and people will come to you for help, your connections will grow and all will be well.
Love is kind and not rude. Whenever someone makes a rude remark or forgets to call you, what is your response? Being kind is oh so valuable. When you are kind to others they tend to reciprocate and show kindness back on you. Think, if the whole world were kind there would be no war, hate, anger or malice. Everyone wins when you are kind, so show kindness to all.
Love does not envy. When you envy someone you want what they have, envy leads to jealousy, jealousy leads to anger, and anger leads to hate. You must be content with what you have, and appreciate your life. When people see the contentness you have they will envy you!
Love does not boast. You can't be proud of the love you have, because the love you have will NEVER compare to the infinite love of God.
Love is not self-seeking. Nobody should seek personal gain from love! Personal gain may occur in the process of loving though. When one seeks personal gain through loving they are nothing but a greedy person, and greed is not good!
Love keeps no record of wrongs. In true love, if you forgive someone it is not that you will forget what they have done, but rather that you will not bring it up again. I am guilty of keeping a record of wrongs, I find it hard to truly forgive the people I want to love. But I am working on it and I am making progress. I encourage you to think deeply about forgiveness. Are you really going to make it better by holding a grudge or seeking revenge? No, everyone is happier and more loved when wrongs are not brought up unneccesarily.
Love rejoices with the truth, not evil. Lieing is never ever right. Deception is usually pointless and wrong. Why do you need to lurk in the shadows with your lies and deceit. Tell the truth, everyone will feel more loved that way.
As always, love protects. No it doesn't harm others that isn't loving! It protects others from any harm!
Love always trusts. Love always assumes innocent until proven guilty. Jumping to conclusions never helped anyone. Trust in people until they absolutely give you a reason to not believe. Its amazing what trust can do! Try it!
Love always hopes. Hope is always there, so use it. Always hope for the best for everyone, hope and pray for improvement. Without hope there is dispair and thats no good. So hope for good things.
Love always perseveres and NEVER fails. Perseverance goes hand in hand with patientce. Stick with people and love them and goodness abounds! Love can never fail, its a solution to badness because love is good. Even when someone stabs you in the back, true love perseveres and keeps going. Don't ever give up on love!

One of those stupid polls I filled out... back in 1998!

2005-08-31T23:49:00.000-07:00

I filled this out in 1998, how many of these are still true? My modern responses are bolded.
1)Full name: ----- ----- ----- like I'm giving you that
2)Location: Pacific Grove, CA Not now I'm not!
3)Birthdate: May 22 Still true!
4)School: Monterey Academy of Oceanographic Science I've graduated! College!
5)Grade: Senior Lies
6)Height: 5' 11" thankfully (It's all the coffee I drink that keeps me at this height) 6'1" now
7)Single or Taken: ----- Removed somebodies name, am single
8)Hair: Right now it is my natural dirty blonde underneath with bleached blonde on the tips I wish!
9)Eye color: Hazel Yup
Where's #10?
11)toothbrush color: Black Why isn't my toothbrush black now?
12)toothpaste color: White True
13)Siblings(ages and names): Andrew(13) Bit older now...
14)Pets: 1 unnamed fish, a bird I call "Bird", and two cats called C.B. and Zelda ALL DEAD
15)favorite color: Blue Mmmm
16)favorite TV show: X-Files or the Simpsons Yup
17)favorite drink: Coca-Cola Classic With Vanilla!
18)favorite fast food: Arby's! No! In 'n Out
19)favorite food: Chinese Thai!
20)favorite number: 21 ?
21)favorite letter: X ?
22)favorite day of the week: Sunday Yuppers
23)favorite time of day: Whenever I'm talking to or am with my friends Guess so
24)favorite subject: Photography 2 Huh?
25)How many blankets do you use: 1 comforter Yup
26)How many pillows do you use: 1 True
27)First thing you notice about the opposite sex: Personality! This is boring I give up!
28)favorite sport: Hockey
29)favorite sport to watch: BLAH
Where's #30?
31)favorite candy: Butterfinger
32)favorite gum: Anything that doesn't stick to my retainer
33)favorite fruit: Blueberries
34)favorite veggie: Broccoli
35)favorite football team: 49ers
36)favorite baseball team: Baseball Sucks
37)favorite basketball team: Bulls
38)favorite sports star: Wayne Gretzky
39)Role model: Utter Goodness
40)best friends: Too many to list!
41)favorite saying: Gravy
42)favorite song: "Zero" by the best band of all time the Smashing Pumpkins!

Pastafarianism

2005-08-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

Apparantly the new rage is Pastafarianism, or worship of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He is some peoples answer to Intelligent Design arguments. I'm not sure the FSM is for me though. I think I'll stick to Christianity even though one of the tenets of Pastafarianism is becoming a pirate to combat global warming. But for my fellow Christians out there: Can you prove (scientifically, of course) that Jesus isn't the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? I'll give you a cut of my reward.

2005-08-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

Check out the 45's I got this weekend, Duran Duran, David Bowie, Pet Shop Boys, Donna Summer, Prince and more. Now I just need to repair my turntable and I'll actually be able to play records again.

2005-08-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

Today I say: To Hell With Poverty (Gang of Four ref)
Yesterday I grossed $212 selling my video game junk at CGE. Of course I bought a bunch of stuff plus admission so the net is down a bit. Then I went out that night and wham net gain $0.

Mmmm... coffee

2005-08-18T23:22:00.000-07:00

FWWTRN and WOFWWTRN on Monday got me an awesome coffee maker as a gift:
http://www.cuisinart.com/cgi-bin/index.cgi/en/item.cgi?item_id=DGB-500BK

I'm so excited. It grinds and brews! I'm going to use it as my alarm clock every morning, I can't possibly sleep through coffee grinding AND brewing. I'm going to set it up tomorrow. I need to go and get some beans from my local baristas at Barefoot coffe roasters.

I'm going to set it up tomorrow so it will be ready for Saturday when I go to the Classic Gaming Expo. Oh, Sweet!

Fast + Food = Nothing

2005-08-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

Today I was supposed to be fasting....
However, I found out when I got to work that I was signed up for a study in which I was hooked up with a bunch of wires during which time I was supposed to eat lunch. And this was the only day they could have me do it. Eating won. Fasting lost.
I achieved nothing today.

Internet Archive rocks!

2005-08-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

I just discovered the most amazing thing. Among the plentitude the Internet Archive offer. They are now offering old public domain movies from the 1920's to the 1960's. There are so many to check out, all free! You can see the movies too.
All the old Bela Lugosi classics are there along with old horror flicks, b-rate space movies and silent comedies. Sweet!

Post-Boardwalk Insomnia

2005-08-09T23:51:00.000-07:00

I just got back from the Boardwalk and let me tell you, every line is significantly (4x) shorter than a similar ride at Great America. Only 30 minutes wait for the Double Shot which is way cooler than the 2 hour wait for the Drop Zone. I had a dime on each knee on the way down and they hovered off towards the beach as I freefalled down. Oh and 65 cent candy really isn't worth it, they give you way too much. They really should pay you to take it from them. Now 65 cent funnel cakes would have been an excellent deal, too bad they don't do that.

I've determined my insomnia isn't due to caffeine consumption since I didn't have any Monday and I was up late. It has to either be due to all the stress at work or me being nocturnal.
Well and its not actualy insomnia since I'm not really tired. The only reason I want to sleep is in the hope I can get up in the morning without a fight.

Mahalo

2005-08-08T00:59:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the Aloha festival and experienced some hawaiian food. Pulled pork and huli-huli chicken (I'm calling it hula hoop chicken). The food was ok. There was also a ton of art/crafts but I didn't get any since I can't possibly need any trinkets. I did however buy some hawaiian coconut desert mix stuff that is like jello. Unfortunately, I left it in someones car.
http://www.pica-org.org/AlohaFest/

On a somewhat seperate note:
Hawaii culturally seems ok, but not awesome. I'm too much of an anglophile, bring on the British culture:
http://www.downloadfestival.com/
Everyone needs to get tickets to this. Modest Mouse, The Killers, Arcade Fire and Mindless Self Indulgence all on the same day. All killer no filler.

Public Access TV isn't all bad...

2005-08-04T22:55:00.000-07:00

I wish this was showing on my TV: http://www.mega64.com/
I also wish I knew people who wanted to make videos like this.

Coincidence?

2005-07-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my 'rents came for a visit and they really wanted to go to Filoli. I acquiesced despite it being way hot outside and non-stop gardens not quite being my thing. The odd thing is when we got there and started walking around we walk into the door of the main house and I see a familiar face.
This face I hadn't seen in over a year and was odd to see. My friend Katy from college just happened to be exploring the place at the same time we were. It was really weird though because she lives in Oregon now and graduated school a few months ago. Not to mention I don't think many people have heard of Filoli.
I was really taken aback at first and wasn't sure what to say but we had a few minutes to reminisce. I was so lost that I almost forgot to get contact info so we could stay in touch (I actually did forget the first time but we bumped into each other like 3 times there that day).
Anyways it was a really weird coincidence that really made my day. Oh and Filoli is sorta cool.

All the BBoys in the house!

2005-07-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know how it happened but last night I ended up going to a breakdancing class with 2 guys from work. It was soooo intense. Every muscle in my body aches today, muscles I didn't even know were there. I also sucked at doing the moves, I was the slow learner out of the three of us. My body has always learned slower than my mind. But if I'm healed up by next week I sure to go back.

Note: This is Monday 7:30PM at http://www.danceattackstudios.com/

My failed friend experiment...

2005-07-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a good long talk with one of my best friends from school Kristen. I hadn't talked to her in a while so it was good to catch up and have awesome meandering conversations about God/computers/craziness like we used to. It also reminded me of a few years ago how stupid I was....
[Story mode]
Once upon a time in the fair land of SLO was a foolish young man. He had just started a relationship with a girl at the time and spent a lot of time with her. In fact since she took up so much of his free time he had trouble keeping up with his other friends. Now from previous relationships this young man knew the tragedy it was to friends when he was in a relationship and ignored them. He vowed to not let it happen again. But how could he maintain so many friendships with so little time? He wrote in his journal, "All I feel is socializing with no goal is pointless. There should be a social hierarchy for who to talk to about problems. If person A can't answer questions move to person B." He decided all of his friends should have an assigned purpose. He started contemplating who would be what. Once he divied up the duties of each friend by talents and abilities he had so many extra friends left over he just had to let them go. Really, does anyone need more than five friends?
[/Story mode]
The point of this story is I totally had some good friends and thought I was being some sort of social revolutionary by firing my friends. Of course friendships fade and you see the value in the friends that you've left behind. I swear I was an idiot for doing such a thing but luckily I realized the foolishness and luckily my friends forgave me for my stupidity. I was able to salvage and repair the relationship with Kristen and I'm thankful to still know her. She keeps me out of trouble and always has encouragement for me whenever I talk to her.

Its too hot!

2005-07-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

I had every window, every door, etc. open last night and I still couldn't sleep because it was too hot! I need to move north where the weather is decent and never gets above 80 degrees!

I'm really bad at keeping in touch!

2005-07-19T22:53:00.000-07:00

I was thinking this evening about how incredibly bad I am at keeping in touch with people. Some friends are coming down from Washington next week that I haven't talked to in 6 months which is really a shame. Last month I tried to call up some friends from my old job who I just didn't call for a year and all their numbers have changed which is really sad. One of them spent a week last year with me on a road trip and I didn't even call him after that trip at all. I've lost so many friends to apathy. Friendship is like a plant, if you don't water it it dies and if you don't take good care of it it never grows.
When I graduated college I didn't want it to be like when I graduated high school. After high school I only kept in touch with 2 people. Only 1 do I now talk to.
Now that I've finished college there are a good 10 - 20 people I'd like to keep in touch with. But how does one do it? If I called one person per day I'd barely talk to everyone once a month.
The problem of course comes down to my dislike of communicating if it isn't face to face.
I'll have to detail my crazy 3 friend life experiment in some other post but suffice it to say I've never really been great at this long distance friendship thing.

Det Sjunde Inseglet

2005-07-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

I watched The Seventh Seal the other night and really dug it. For a crazy slow paced Swedish movie from 1957 it has a lot to offer.
I met Death today. We are playing chess.
On the surface are the visuals: Death playing chess with a man (trivia fact: This is where Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey got its ideas), medieval scenery with more sincerity than a renaissance faire and of course the striking contrasting black and white cinematography (Death is a sight to behold).
Beneath the surface lies where this film strikes me the most. The inevitability of death. The meaninglessness of life and death. The simplicity of pleasure (its strawberries and cream I tell you!). But it is also about one man's journey of spiritual discovery, beginning with his desire to believe in God and that he is there but ultimately doesn't feel His presence. He stuggles with a desire to feel God's presence to reassure him life is meaningful.
Faith is a torment. It is like loving someone who is out there in the darkness but never appears, no matter how loudly you call.
I relate to his suffering and his relation to men:
I want to confess as best I can, but my heart is void. The void is a mirror. I see my face and feel loathing and horror. My indifference to men has shut me out. I live now in a world of ghosts, a prisoner in my dreams.
Ultimately he is unwilling to believe in reality where Death is tangible, but God and the goodness He is, is not. The turning point is the compassion of Jof and his family, the bowl of strawberries and milk. It will be a sign to me, and a great sufficiency. They show him the reality of compassion long since lost on him (he spent most of his life in the futility of the Crusades).
If you have a chance to watch this movie, DO IT!

Colorado

2005-07-02T00:19:00.000-07:00

I was in Colorado last week for Melon 2005, aka FWWTRN marrying (F)WOFWWTRN.
It was 5 days of pleasure and non-stop bliss.
My first impression of Colorado was a bit negative. Denver does not at all feel like what I expected Colorado to be. It was hot and smoggy. There were no trees and most importantly there were no mountains to be seen.
But with friends everything gets better. Kudos to the Hampton Inn for the nicest staff imaginable at a hotel along with late night pool activities. Not to mention there was Lipgloss, this cool dance night we went to and danced (and sweated) the night away. And who can forget late night Korean kareoke, many props to any place that has almost every Stryper hit stocked.
Boulder on the other hand was what I imagined Colorado to be and I instantly loved it. Small town, edging along mountains, plenty of trees and a cute downtown. The highlight of the town for me is the Boulder Dushanbe Tea House with its multitude of foreign and exotic teas, great food and gorgeous architecture. Of course nothing was more exciting than the day of the wedding at the world famous Boulderado. It was a succinct simple ceremony that got the point across and remained beautiful. I am so happy for the new couple and I'm looking forward to hangin out with them in SF when they finish Hunnymoonin.
Many thanks to Katy for accompaniment and car service!
Also, I'm feeling a bit undercultered as everyone else seems to be able to speak a foreign language except for me. I think I should take up french... it can't be much harder to learn than C++ can it?
Bon Tempes!

All Your Base Rhapsody

2005-06-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

I've been too busy/lazy to post anything though I swear life's been exciting. While I am motivating myself to write take a gander at the funniest thing I've seen in a long while:
http://www.pwned.nl/ayb/

I wish I were a robot

2005-05-25T19:53:00.000-07:00

If I were a robot this would be my hero:
http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/30562/
I so wish I had muscles, moves and music like that guy!

2005-05-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

Look Kat I can photoshop too!

Star Wars!

2005-05-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

I just saw the midnight showing on Revenge of the Sith last night (this morning?). It was pretty awesome. I got hooked up so the tix were only $5 and we got in 10 minutes before anyone else did so we got to choose the best seats. Best of all we didn't have to wait in line.

The movie stacks up better than episode 1 and 2 but not quite as good as 4, 5 or 6. Seemingly the movies get progressively better from 1 to 6 with 6 being my favourite.
The movie did cut back on the crappy romantic dialogue but Anakin was a little too angry / emotional coming into this movie. He was on edge the whole movie yet the Jedi don't do a whole lot about it. Palpatine of course has orchestrated everything and everything falls into place.

Everything is perfectly set up for the move into episode 4 for some 20 something years later.

Now I need to pull an all day SW 1-6 marathon!

Productivity

2005-05-17T23:17:00.000-07:00

Alert! Productivity has reached an all time low! Alert!

So as my productivity at work increases, I am far less productive outside of work.
It now takes me weeks to do a simple task. I have no self discipline. I stay up later than I should wasting time. I would hope every day that I would get some little task done, yet I have a pile of stuff to do in my living room and I haven't entered the room in a few weeks.
I am the zenith of extra-work unproductivity. Somebody get me an award.
I have a pile of crap blocking my way through my apartment that I put there so that I would put it into the garage. Its all been there a week. I always put off until tomorrow what I could have done today.

2005-05-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

I went thrifting yesterday and on advice from a friend bought a skinny tie for 80's prom. I think it goes well with my look. I need to learn how to accessorize. It wore well at Johnny V's last night. Dancing is so much fun. Too bad its all so meaningless.

2005-05-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

This is my look for New Wave City's New Wave Prom on the 21st up in SF. The 22nd is my BDay. Any advice to be more New Wave?

People hide behind masks

2005-05-10T00:02:00.000-07:00

One of my dearest friends has been living a lie. I haven't seen this person in quite a while but I'm not sure I want to again. I *stumbled* upon some secret diary of this person and read some horrifying stuff. Of destructive relationships that I thought were long parted that really weren't and were continuing in some perverse form of obsessive love. The internet is not a place to reveal your dark secrets. I was visiting this person and had no idea this relationship was ongoing. This person could never have told me face to face anyways. I know the pain suffered and the ridiculousness of it all, the kind of sick love that would drive someone to suicide, that is why they never told me. But now I know it was ongoing then and is still ongoing, and I'm disturbed as this friend is living a lie. Maybe those of us with twisted minds can't keep it together, I thought this person, of all people, could keep up the fight, but the battle seems lost.

I am so upset. May I never lead a duplicitous life.

Chemical Brothers Coachella 2005 bootleg

2005-05-06T23:44:00.000-07:00

The first Coachella 2005 bootleg is up. Its the Chemical Brothers set. I'm downloading it right now. You can find it on DimeADozen.

I'm waiting with baited breath for Faint, Gang of Four, Weezer and Bauhaus.

DJing weddings

2005-05-06T23:39:00.000-07:00

So I DJ'ed one roommates wedding a few years ago but that was a bum job since I didn't have the right equipment then.
Nowadays it seems like I'm going to have to DJ all my friends weddings. My advice:
1) Get a songlist of must-play songs
2) Discover bride/grooms musical tastes
3) Discover who will be at the reception.
4) Plot accordingly.
5) iTunes Party Shuffle. 'nuff said. Start slow with oldies early for the oldies then speed things up later. Toss in the obligitory slow dance song every 3-5 songs. Play the dance songs you hate but that get people moving (California Love just works for this).

You too are now set.

2005-05-04T00:31:00.000-07:00

Pretty much the coolest thing I did all year. @FWWTRN's b-day. I'm on the lower right....

Marriage

2005-05-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

So I just learned tonight that my best friend growing up, Sean, is getting married (he's proposing to someone sure to say yes in two weeks) and I'm gonna be in the wedding. Now my two best friends are getting married in the same year! Crazy! Its so very awesome for them, but I'm losing all my friends to their women! Well, not really but we shall see how much I see them after marriage.
I was once engaged and I'm so very happy that that didn't reach marriage, I was so young and would have been miserable. She was dragging me down and I didn't even realize it, love makes men blind.
I'm getting so very impatient for myself. Like I was telling Sean, I've got the job but I'd gladly trade it for the woman. I know I've got plenty of time though.
I guess this means more trips out to Phoenix!

I return from Coachella

2005-05-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a very long weekend at Coachella. Here's who I saw:
Friday (in SLO):
-Viva Voce
Saturday:
M83, Snow Patrol, Keane, Rilo Kiley, Wilco, Weezer, Bauhaus, Coldplay
Sunday:
Diplo, Jem, Thrice, The Futureheads, Gang of Four, New Order, Nine Inch Nails, The Faint

My favorite performance was Bauhaus for their very theatrical performance. The lead singer came out suspended upside down and sang the first song upside down. I heard from a security guard that when they had rehearsed this the day before they released bats as he went onto the stage but they didn't do that for us. Very goth, very dark, very fun. Musically not the most exciting since their music can drone on, but I still loved them.
My favorite musically was Weezer who just continuously played good songs. Other than that boring Beverly Hills song can they do any wrong?
Coolest performance goes to Gang Of Four who haven't played in 20 years and yet they still sound crisp and fresh. The lead singer was crazy and knocked over the micstand like 7 times. He also proceeded to smash a microwave to the beat and proceeded to make a mess of it. He was very into it.
The Faint had the most potential to wow me but I only got to see 3 of their songs. They did a Karftwerk-esque set in that they had music videos synced up to their music.
NIN didn't impress at all, Trent Reznor is just ho-hum. So angry.
Best band I hadn't heard was Futureheads. Lots of good UK stuff this year!
Band I sorely missed was Dresden Dolls. I really wanted to see their costumed brigade.

We drove Sunday night until 5AM when we reached SLO. Then I crashed. I didn't make it back home until 7PM Monday. Good thing I took the day off.

Girls suck

2005-04-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

So I guess after you go on a date and don't talk to the person for like 5 days you know things didn't go as swell as you would have liked. I talked to A. tonight and it was a good friendly conversation and she made it clear she wants to be my friend but said the age difference (28 to 23) made it too difficult to date. I think thats the nice way of saying I was too weird for her. But at least I'll see her at New Wave City. She'll be there, I'll be there. Damn, I liked this one.

Oh well, the desert will burn away any sorrow that remains. Coachella here I come.

New stuff

2005-04-24T22:45:00.000-07:00

Thursday:
Went out to the Blank Club. Started out at Cinnabar with myself and 7 girls. What a ratio. Of course the one guy Roger who shows up gets a ticket for running a red light so he comes in, complains to Kat and then leaves in a pissy mood. So yeah, me and 7 girls. 1 girl leaves and Kevin shows up when we get to the Blank. Not that I really care for any of these girls (romantically!!!!) but there is something fun about being the one of the two males in a group.

Friday:
I'm so tired from Thursday. Bible study. Extended discussions on the power of prayer and why bad things happen to good people. The kind of discussion that went on forever, but in a good way because I think it brought light to several peoples understanding of prayer and the relationship to God/Christ.

Saturday:
I've got a date today. I paint a silly watercolor picture for A. and make a cool mix CD. Today is Thomas' birthday so I got him a boxing nun since of course he's into boxing and probably nuns or something. We had giant boxing gloves and beat each other senseless until we couldn't lift our arms (they were like 25 lbs.). Then comes the date. I drive to S.F. meet A. for the first time. She's nice and friendly, she dresses well and has her life together. She likes a lot of the same music that I do. We go to diner at some diner, the food is bad but they had cool decor. I think we connect. We go dancing at 1984. She dances well and I try to also. All is well. Or was it?
I'm not entirely sure everything went as good as possible. I've been in this sort of lazy, depressive funk the last few months and I'm not sure I've really shook it. You know, boredom with my life, repetition kills me.

Sunday:
Church. We have a blues concert. I've never really figured out if gimmicky draws to church are the way to bring (sucker?) people in. But I do know they are effective. Plus the guy was a really good, fun artist.
Last night weighs heavy. Did it all really work out? Does she like me as much as I do her? I hope so. She would be way awesome to have as a friend no matter what. There are very few Christian new wave / synth fans who are on the same level. She reminds me of Britain in her drive, but she has light sensibilities, whereas Britain was dark to the core. That type of person would be good for me. My current dancing friends are all dark and mopey, I don't want them to drag me down (spiritually!!!).

J. signing off.

I like music reviews

2005-04-05T19:12:00.000-07:00

I like getting CDs to review, especially several weeks before release. Good times.

Damien Jurado - On My Way to Absence

History oozes out of each song here, folk music steeped in tradition and played in intimate cafes. Slow acoustic sounds, each string plucked in tune. Music for introspection or knee-tapping. Like a collegiate John Denver.
RIYL: Neva Dinova, Denison Witmer, Cush, Pedro the Lion
PICKS: 8, 11, 6
DIRTY: None!
Secretly Canadian

More album reviews

2005-04-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

This time I got ahold of the new Fischerspooner really early. Its also really good....

Oxytocin - Love It
Oxytocin is a hormone related to the reproductive system and, of course, a band. They bring together elements of math rock with a dash of jam & grunge. Rising and falling sounds spead out like waves along the beach but splashing on the rocks because nothing is that simple.
RIYL: Sunny Day Real Estate, King Crimson
PICKS: 1, 3, 5
DIRTY: None!
Self Produced

Copeland - In Motion
Rarely do many men put effort into making their voice sound pretty. But lead singer Aaron Marsh's voice sounds o' so sweet. Growing off the success of their previous album Beneath Medicine Tree, In Motion is significantly more upbeat (no deaths in the family this time) and exciting. Not quite emo (they've reformed) but closer to orchestrated power pop without all the pop hooks.
RIYL: Sunny Day Real Estate, Braid, Jimmy Eat World
PICKS: 2, 3, 4, 5, 10
DIRTY: None!
Militia Group

Fischerspooner - Odyssey
Mmm, sex-disco-new wave-synth-dance music. Who wouldn't groove to this? More singing and a bit slower tempo than debut album #1. They still keep up with the very repetitive vocal hooks, but whats wrong with that? Less sex than before but a lot more variety in the song structure.
RIYL: Client, M83, Ladytron, I am Spoonbender
PICKS: 1, 2, 3, 10
DIRTY: None!
Capitol

Patrick Wolf - Wind In The Wires
Electronics mixed with folk and baroque? Gypsy-disco beats? There is a definite appeal of a deep sultry voice like Bowie's here. Ambition is here and he's only a 21 year old Londoner crafting this whole album pretty much solo. There are tons of layers of instrumentation per track with violins and piano aplenty.
RIYL: Nick Cave, Bright Eyes
PICKS: 1, 2, 9
DIRTY: 11
Tomlab

A Hawk and a Handsaw - Darkness at Noon
Sounding more like a world album or a Danny Elfman soundtrack than the usual Neutral Milk Hotel album. Darkness at Noon takes us around the world from gypsy to mariachi and everywhere in between. Sparse vocals but lush instrumentation. This is world-ish music with a math-rock sometimes glitchy background created seemingly a century ago.
RIYL: World music, Neutral Milk Hotel, Woven Hand
PICKS: 5, 4, 11, 3
DIRTY: None.
Leaf

Stereophonics - Language. Sex. Violence. Other?
Definitive rock like early 90's rock groups ala Stone Temple Pilots with a British tone. They try to pull off a new wave Interpol-esque time warp on songs like Dakota. Or perhaps an Actung Baby U2? Charming.
RIYL: Interpol, Feeder, White Stripes
PICKS: 1, 5, 10
DIRTY: 1
V2 Records (BMG in disguise)

Materialism!

2005-03-10T20:58:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've got too much stuff.
None of this stuff I want.
M:TG cards from middle school, tons of old Stars Wars toys,a GBA with a few games & and E-reader, and a variety of knick-knacks. I want to get simple and easy. I want to make it easier next time I move (June?). And of course, a few spare $ wouldn't hurt.
I'm really too lazy to E-Bay. Shipping things requires travelling to the post-office which is never open when I can go. I'd craigslist the stuff except everything is either worth nothing or is worth quite a bit (those dang magic cards!).

I might just Goodwill it all.

Embedded Systems Conference

2005-03-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

Plus: Spend whole week in San Francisco, get good free lunches courtesy of my company, cool seminars, no real work done.
Minus: More than an hour in the train every morning, have to get up a 6AM to catch train, bad seminars, I'm so tired!

So the first few days of the ESC have been good. Its so laid back and even though I'm being taught like I'm in school there are no tests. I caught a good talk on Sunday about scalable software systems using model-driven architecture. It was really good but the bit that stuck out to me was the idea that we should treat writing software as engineering (think factory standard) vs. craft (think pre-industrial revolution).
Even though I'm going to be "working" Sunday through Thursday I still have to go in to work on Friday. I hate deadlines!

Posi-Punk!!!

2005-03-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

So I learned the other day that in Japan they have no goth scene. But how is that! Well they have a scene but it goes by a different name. They are posi-punks over there. Stemming from some article in the U.K. (where goths are "goff") before goth music was really defined. After goth music escaped and became post-punk (since it never was really a punk thing) some press guy called it "positive punk". How he created that name I'll never know. When has goth music sounded positive? Anyways I think its cool. I'm not a goth but I wouldn't mind being called a posi-punk. It just sounds so much less cliche and so much friendlier.

Music blurbs

2005-03-02T23:37:00.000-08:00

I've started reviewing music for KSCU. I need to build up my name-dropping and genrefication. Girls only like guys with skills.

Angels Of Light - Sing "Other People"
Brainchild of Michael Gira (ex-Swan). Mostly acoustic sounds with lots of vocal harmonizing and choral sounds. Country/folk vocals without the twangy-ness. Each song is an epic story waiting to unfold. This is the music Johnny Cash would have made in college.
RIYL: Brian Wilson, William Shatner, Iron & Wine
PICKS: 1, 2, 4, 8
DIRTY: 10
Young Gun Records

Brice - Cabin Capers
From Minneapolis, the songs were actually crafted in a cabin. Upbeat catchy energetic pop w/ female backing vocals. Think Weezer or They Might Be Giants only more serious and somewhat slower. This is fun pop rock.
RIYL: Apples in Stereo, Cornershop
PICKS: 2, 3, 4
DIRTY: None
Self-Published

Open Hand - You and Me
Last album this band was one of the poster-children of screamo, well, when that got old fast Open Hand decided to get with the time. Remember 90's grunge? Well this is fuzzed out rock 'n roll crossed with droning indie-esque. Maybe its a bit like progressive stoner-rock but its got layered sounds and harmonized vocals. Watch out! Some of these songs are <2 minutes.
RIYL: Hopesfall, Hum, Failure, Shiner
PICKS: 1, 8, 9
DIRTY: None!
Trustkill Records

Rat Cat Hogan - We're Bicoastal
Slow rock spinning tales with sleepy vocals AND pianos! Focus on the lyrics because the music seems minimal. A poor man's Ben Gibbard pretending they're from Seattle. Robbie Skrocki is in a few of those Seattle mega-band troupes like Revolutionary Hydra.
RIYL: Death Cab For Cutie, Go-Betweens
PICKS: 1, 5, 8
DIRTY: 6
Skrocki Records

Passion

2005-02-28T20:13:00.000-08:00

I remember this one summer I decided I wanted to elevate my existence and feel alive and passionate again. I decided the best way to do it (besides drugs!) was to make the world fuzzy. I'm pretty sure this is how God sees (wait until I explain). So in order to accomplish this I of course had to wear lots of fuzzy velour clothing and get in the right mental mood. I usually accomplished this by showing up to a local show, letting my eyes blur until nothing is sharp, and letting my mind let the sounds go out of focus. Now previously my eyes saw sharply and my ears heard the definate. So pre-judgemental! But in my fuzzy state that all melted away, people and places were no longer classified and sorted but rather amalgamated as some sort of archetype. I saw things as they were rather than how I thought they were.
How does this story apply to passion? Well, in this objective state I saw the innate beauty of every object, everything was magical. In my head I loved everyone as closely as I could to how God loves everyone. When I let myself escape the fuzzy state my views of everything returned. I saw the ills of man and his desperate strive for attention and meaning.
During this time I wanted to live with my fuzzy love passion for everything but couldn't reconcile it with reality. What I've learned is that while I could temporarily change my sensory temporal life I couldn't permeanantly cause this passionateness.
This is one of the most important reasons for belief in God (besides faith). Humanity has no passion (or meaning) of its own. We try to create our own. Belief in a higher power instills us with passion not created of ourselves. This higher power is our reason and cause to exist and live. For nothing else do we need to live.
Absense of a higher power would cause us to keep searching in ourselves for passion and truth and ultimately lead us to discover that people really aren't all that special.
I hope this makes some sense. If not at least its probably at least worth a laugh.

Sugar candy kisses

2005-02-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

Ever notice how nobody has staying power? That is nobody nowadays seems to be able to sit still for any extended period of time. Everyones' focus is so divided. We are in a Go world, stopping is unheard of. Its only recently started to bug me, the people around me are adults but they are as wiggly as children. Too much sugar, coffee and pent up energy is doing our American world in. I have to stop it, its so distracting.
Everyone has ADD except me. Or maybe I just hang out with the ADD crowd but stillness is lacking.
I've been thinking about trying to get a 20 minute period of meditation, silence and stillness into my life and see how it affects my life, spiritually, mentally and physically.
I'd be a liar if I said I didn't love sweet thing though :)

2005-02-15T00:25:00.000-08:00

I used to think, "Man, if I walk around with a cane everyone will think I'm a pimp!" Turns out I was wrong but at least I weirded out some people. This was Valentine's Day 2002.

2005-02-15T00:14:00.000-08:00

I miss Britain Kitten. Such good times in London. Shes the worlds best cat girl and a damn good host. Shes also your best guide to the grittier dark parts of London, especially "goff"

2005-02-15T00:11:00.000-08:00

I really want to go back to the U.K. this year. Here I am at the top of England on Scarfell Pike. Their hiking trails aren't as well marked as ours are. Very natural.

2005-02-15T00:09:00.000-08:00

I am not dead. But I sometimes wish I am immortal.

2005-02-15T00:07:00.000-08:00

Me getting ready to go to the Blank Club on Halloween. The blood isn't real, this time.

2005-02-15T00:03:00.000-08:00

This was me a few weeks ago getting ready to go out to the Blank Club. Note the white makeup, red lipstick and heavy eyeliner. Mmmm.

St. Valentines Day is upon us...

2005-02-13T22:21:00.000-08:00

St. Valentines Day is upon us and there is no lady-friend for me to be found. So I decided to go out with my friend K since she has no one either. We'll be miserable together. Dinner & maybe a movie. I'd get her flowers but last time we had flowers, which some gay guy gave to her and I, she tore them up and threw them all over the dance floor. Still looking for that one special someone. Its not depressing because I can't get a date (because I can), its depressing in some way that its my beliefs that are causing me to be single. Being a Christian is hard work. Especially when I don't hang out with any other Christians, or in places where they may exist. This of course explains why my dating prospects are nil. I reject all the non-Christian girls.

I've always been single on Valentine's day, except for that one miserable time when I was still engaged to E (ugh! bad memories) and it completely sucked (we broke up a week later). So this hasn't traditionally been the happiest time of the year for me.

I am not a common person

2005-02-05T18:01:00.000-08:00

So among the songs I've been listening to a lot lately is Common People by Pulp. Its all about this rich girl who wants to become a commoner and try as she might she never will be. She doesn't understand failure, poverty or common desires. She can't give up the education or the culture she is from and if she got tired of it her daddy would bail her out.

But still you'll never get it right
'cause when you're laid in bed at night
Watching roaches climb the wall
If you called your dad he could stop it all

Sometimes I feel like this song is my life. And no I'm not the common person. I'm the rich girl well not a girl but you know what I mean. Sometimes I have feelings of elitism, I can't justify having the desires of the people around me and the baseness of them disgusts me. Of course stupid elitist ideas make you solitary and so in reaction I wish I could be a common person.

And dance and drink and screw
Because there's nothing else to do.

But even that will never happen. Well the dancing will but try as I might to screw up my life my faith in God prevents me from doing the things I would want to do. Of course the things I want to do are worse by far than what God wishes me to do.
I'll never be a common person, my life is too good.

Lonliness settles in...

2005-02-01T22:38:00.000-08:00

I must be really odd because I just rejected a really hot girl tonight. Yes, I get lonely sometimes and you would think I would jump on the opportunity to date a beautiful girl but no.
For one, I'm not so shallow as to think looks are everything, cause they're really not. No good having a relationship where the girl can't carry a good conversation (or does but its all about herself). Also, I don't try to be an intellectual elitist but I at least hope the girl would have had some book smarts.
Then of course most importantly is faith. Me I got it and the girl I would date has gotta have it too.
Well she didn't quite meet up to my standards. But nobody seems to... where are all the good girls hiding?
And its SO hard to tell people that you just want to be friends. It shouldn't be hard but it is. It feels like I'm letting them down. Well better now than later.

New Erasure!

2005-01-29T01:23:00.000-08:00

I just went out to an Erasure CD release party tonight and picked up their new album Nightbird for free. No stand-out awesome hits yet but I'm so tired (12:30AM) right now I can't concentrate on the music much. I also got a sticker and a button but some girl swiped the button off me when I put down my goodies to step onto the dance floor. I love Erasure, especially Chorus, Chains of Love, Ship of Fools, Stop!, and I can't remember what else at this hour. I need to go to bed. I'm sooo tired.

Getting excited about Coachella

2005-01-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

Ambitious Outsiders is reporting that among the bands confirmed are Nine Inch Nails, Coldplay, Gang Of Four, New Order, Rilo Kiley, The Arcade Fire, M83 and Miss Kitten. There are still a lot of blank spots to fill but the line up is already starting to shape up. My friend K got back Monday from South Africa and when she found out about Coachella she flipped that New Order would be playing. Anyone from San Jose want to carpool down? I'm still wavering on whether to go depending on if New Order will be playing any Northern California shows... To be determined.

Coachella 2005

2005-01-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

I went to Coachella last year and it was by far the most awesome festival I have ever been to. Kraftwerk, Radiohead, the Cure, Pixies and so many more made it all worthwhile despite the 110 degree heat that was killing everyone. They just updated the website and the official dates are Apr. 30 and May 1. This site has the list of confirmed bands (the official line-up hasn't been released yet.) The only confirmed bands I'm really looking forward to are Rilo Kiley and Miss Kittin. If Gang of Four and New Order will be making appearance, I will be sure to make an appearance. But as of yet I haven't decided whether to make an appearance. There is a ticket presale and the password is 'gobi'.
Things to remember:
- Will be 100+ degrees with $2 bottles of water which you must buy since you can't bring in your own.
- Parking is atrocious taking up to 4 hours to get out of the lot (4AM!).
- There IS an air conditioner in the video tent. This is key.
- Every music tent is hot and steamy, like a sauna.

Anyways when the lineup comes out I'll decide whether its worth it to go to or not.

Tsunami? Who cares?

2005-01-18T20:06:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who doesn't empathize much with those tsunami victims? Does anyone else out there find it hard to relate while living in an area of the U.S. where disasters never seem to strike. Can I help it that I only feel love and pain for those individuals I personally know?
Am I wrong?
A friend has suggested that perhaps it is the way us Americans deal with tragedy and support the oppressed. We have a checkbook response to everything. Everything we see as an injustice we pay off to not feel so guilty. How many people actually did something more to help? We are too out of touch with the rest of the world. Our lifestyle is completely at odds with the lifestyle of most of the world. Are we even human anymore? More often we are mob-mentalitied groups that emotional rational individuals. Who hasn't felt pressure from society to feel bad about the situation?
I for one am going to unabashedly say that I don't care about what society thinks. My emotion is reserved for those I know. Any other emotion God will have to stir up in me because I won't let the pressure of society do it.

Audio recording on a laptop is hard!

2005-01-17T21:59:00.000-08:00

I've been working for hours trying to get a decent recording out of my laptop. Nothing but static mixed with lo-quality audio. I guess mic in isn't quite gonna work as well as a true line in. Especially since line in levels are so much higher. I had the mic record level almost to the bottom but my recording levels were still redlining! So much for signal to noise ratio.

Such a good weekend!

2005-01-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

Saturday play by play:
-Lazy until 4PM when friends show up, played video games all day.
-Drinks at some local dive then dinner at a nice Italian restaurant.
-Back home for some 8-bit NES power pad action to burn off our dinner + some Contra.
-Time to go to down town San Jose, we hit up a cafe and it has a comedy showcase, the comedians mostly suck but there were a few good jokes.
-Dancing at Johnny V's, I love the 80's!
-Back home to crash.

Sunday:
-Earrrrly morning sound set up for church.
-Drive to San Francisco in my new car, fun times singing along to the Get Up Kids.
-Lunch somewhere at some bar/grill'ish place, it was good but I don't know my way around the city so I'd never be able to find it again.
-Near the Golden Gate hanging out to take photos. M and E are officially engaged now so they wanted me to get photos of them, a lot of photos.
-Drive along the beach and visit Coit Tower. Did I mention parking in SF sucks? Yeah, well it does!

So that is a really boring post which does a disservice to my awesome weekend but at least the summary points are out there so I'll never quite forget it. TTFN

My friends are coming to town today!

2005-01-15T15:19:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited M and E are coming into town today! We're gonna party it up and head up to SF for whatever coolness we can find there. In the meantime while they are out wedding ring shopping (thats another story) I am at home all dressed up and ready to spring into action.
Eyeliner? Check! Lipstick? Check! White face makeup? Check! Black clothes? Of course!
So now they just have to show up and I'll be ready for any non-normal occasion!

Oddity is great. Nothing like making the silly norms stare when walking down the street. They're always like trying to get their little kids to look away. The kids go, "Mommy why is that man look like a clown or something, why is he wearing makeup?" And of course kids don't whisper so I've heard it all.